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We here at JPFmovies pride ourselves at talking a hard, gritty look at entertainment from all over the world.

Back by Popular Demand: Emma and Sally Review Monk While JPFMovies Slumbers at his Post (with input from Dr. H and Hank)

13 Nov

Because audiences have been clamoring for another review from Emma (age 13) and Sally (age 8), the girls have agreed to review Monk, USA’s long running series about OCD suffering detective Adrian Monk (starring and produced by Tony Shalhoub) and his assistant, single mom Natalie Teeger (Traylor Howard).

What do you think of Monk?

Sally: It’s great.  It’s funny.  Because Mr. Monk is afraid of ladybugs, and harmonicas, and milk, and heights, and germs, and a hundred and something other things.

What about you, Emma?

Emma: It’s funny.  Because.

Because why?

Emma: Her answer applies to my answer too.

Which assistant do you like best?

Emma: Natalie.

Sally: Natalie.

Why not Sharona?

Sally: She just—I don’t know.

Emma: I think Natalie’s better at dealing with Mr. Monk.

Sally: Because she’s used to dealing with her daughter.  She has better ideas.  And she doesn’t quit.  I also like the theme song!!

Emma: It’s better than the old one.

How about the rapper theme song?

Emma: Oh, that was a good one too.

What’s your favorite Monk episode?

Emma: Umm…well, the garbage one was pretty good.

Sally: I didn’t see all of that. They’re basically all equal.  I think the ones where he gets drunk or sick are best because he does funnier things.

 

What do you think of the doctor?

Emma: Oh, the one where Dr. Kroger quits is a funny one.

Sally: The ones with Harold are good too.

Who’s Harold?

Emma: He’s his rival.  He’s also Natalie’s rival in the school board election in that one episode.

Does Monk remind you of any other television detectives?

JPFMovies (talking in his sleep): Sherlock Holmes with a germ phobia.

Emma: Hercule Poirot. He likes everything to be very neat and orderly.

Dr. H: Columbo.

Hank: He is quirky like Columbo.

Sally: Who’s Columbo?

Hank: He was an old time detective.

What would you tell Monk if you were his doctor?

Sally: I would bring my harmonica and tell him to play it.  And tell him that ladybugs are harmless.

Emma: We’re trying to watch an episode.

Well, I’m trying to compile a movie review.

Do you think Monk is ready to be back on the police force?

Sally: Yes, I do.

Emma: No.

Sally: What?! What are you talking about, Emma?

Emma: Well, his phobias would get in the way of his police work.

Sally: Yes, but he’s a great detective!

Which phobias would be a problem for a police officer?

Emma: Well, just about all of them. I mean, there’s heights, germs.

Sally: Afraid of frogs, ladybugs.

Emma: Yeah, but that’s not so much of a big deal.

Sally: But what if someone framed a ladybug?

Emma: How would you frame a ladybug?

Somebody framed a monkey once, right?

Emma/Sally: Yes.

Would you like to meet Monk in real life? What if he could come and stay with us for a week?

Sally: Yes.

Emma: That would be…

Sally: It would be weird, but yes.  But we would have to REALLY clean up.

Emma: HE would clean up.

Sally: I mean before he came.  He would put stuff in places where we couldn’t find them.

What would be Monk’s least favorite room while visiting us?

Emma: The kitchen, probably. Or Sally’s room!

Sally: My room!

How would JPFMovies and Monk get along?

Sally: Well, not so great.

Emma: Well…

Sally: Well, not so great.

 

What do you think Monk would do to the DVD collection?

Sally: Uh…organize it.  Why are you doing this instead of JPFMovies?

Because JPFMovies is snoring.

JPFMovies: zzzzz………..What are you doing? ….zzzzzzzz

 

What would you rather watch, Monk or Malcolm in the Middle?

Emma/Sally: MONK!!!!

Sally: What a question.

 

On another note, what do you two think of the allegations that we snuck the My Fair Lady review into the coveted position of 150th post?

Emma: I deny those allegations.

Sally: I don’t really know what you mean.

JPFMovies: zzzzzzz

 

JPFMovies could not be reached for comment.

*Note JPFmovies was NOT provided an opportunity to respond to these scurrilous accusations.  JPFmovies denies any lack of diligence on the part of the site and/or any claims that JPFmovies “fell asleep at the switch” so-to-speak.  Furthermore JPFmovies maintains the position that it was scammed out of its 150th review extravaganza by the treacherous trio. 

 
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Posted by on November 13, 2011 in Movie Reviews

 

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I think we discovered what happened to Mario Van Peebles: Posse (1993)

12 Nov

As you know, in my last post, I asked the question, what the hell happened to Mario Van Peebles?  Well, after he directed and starred in Posse (1993) we now know where he went—into the can.

Obviously, this is my humble opinion.  After Van Peebles costarred in Heartbreak Ridge (1986) with Eastwood, he then costarred with Wesley Snipes and others in New Jack City (1991) which was probably the best film Van Peebles has been in.  So a couple of years after New Jack City, a screw must have come loose when Van Peebles decided to direct and star in Posse.  As my regular visitors know, I have a very high threshold for bad movie pain but Posse took me to the limits.

Where to start.  Well, the story is presented as a flashback told by an unnamed Old Man with a Cuban prologue during the Spanish American War—one of the most cliché devices I think film makers use.  Jesse Lee (Mario Van Peebles) leads the US Army 10th Cavalry Buffalo Soldiers who are fighting in the Spanish-American War in Cuba.  The 10th is barely holding its own and is under constant attack from enemy troops.  Jesse Lee runs back to the command post of the corrupt and racist Colonel Graham (Billy Zane) asking that the 10th Cavalry be allowed to pull back and regroup.  The crooked Colonel offers him a deal: in exchange for shooting a deserter he will permit the retreat.  Instead of killing the man in cold blood, Lee shoots a cigar out of his mouth.  After killing the deserter himself, the Colonel offers Jesse Lee’s command of the 10th to another prisoner called “Little J” (Stephen Baldwin) (the alternative is a firing squad). Graham then orders the 10th to fall back in order to begin another mission that will require them to wear civilian clothing, as opposed to their Cavalry uniforms, making them spies under the rules of war and deserters under the U.S. Army code of military justice.  The 10th is ordered to rob a Spanish gold shipment, which is really a setup to give the Colonel an excuse to execute the entire 10th Cavalry as deserters. 

The 10th get the gold and begin to run somewhere as a newly formed “Posse,” always just one step ahead of the evil Colonel.  After a number of chase scenes and close encounters, we discover that Jesse is really seeking revenge for the hanging of his father.  The run takes the Posse to some small towns where Jesse is known, respected and feared.  Eventually there is  about a 30 minute battle royale between the Posse and the white town folks and the evil Colonel.  Some of the Posse is killed (except of course for Jesse and his Indian squaw) and all of the white folks and soldiers either flee or die a loud death.  Then of course there is the climactic battle between Jesse and his arch nemesis the Colonel.  Well, I don’t think I need to tell you how that comes out. 

Finally, after the bloodshed, the gold and riding off into the sunset, we flash forward to the narrator who is now an old man telling the tale to some journalists and even has a book that Jesse’s father had given him somewhere along the way.

This move is bad on so many levels I hardly know where to start.  The film starts out looking good until the characters open their mouths, then it becomes clear that they are so flat, so comic book, so ‘much’, both the good and the bad guys are just over the top bad; I would try to describe them further but my fingers might turn to rust as if a pox were put on my computer.  Every stereotype imaginable manages to get a role in this one—right down to their names, like “Father Time” or “King David.”  Moreover, throughout the movie we are presented with an in-your-face history lesson of whitey’s oppression of everyone.  True or not: save it for the PBS documentaries. 

Now here is the worst part: the talent.  This movie had a formidable cast. Just look at this list:

Mario Van Peebles – as Jesse Lee

Stephen Baldwin – as Little J

Billy Zane – as Colonel Graham

Melvin Van Peebles – as Papa Joe

Big Daddy Kane – as Father Time

Blair Underwood – as Carver

Isaac Hayes – as Cable

Charles Lane – as Weezie

Robert Hooks – as King David

Richard Jordan – as Sheriff Bates

Pam Grier – as Phoebe

Aaron Neville – as Railroad Singer

Stephen J. Cannell (yes the TV & film writer who recently died of skin cancer)- as Jimmy Love

I mean come on, Pam Grier, Isaac Hayes, Blair Underwood (L.A. Law)!  Van Peebles managed to take a great cast, lots of money and a potential story and create something unbearable to watch.  Unfortunately, Posse is yet another classic example of what Hollywood considers its audiences to be—simple minded.  I don’t know, maybe they are, but that does not mean I have to like it.

 
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Posted by on November 12, 2011 in Movie Reviews

 

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What the hell happened to Mario Van Peebles? Well in 1986 we know he co-starred with Clint Eastwood in Heartbreak Ridge.

10 Nov

For a while, it seemed like Mario Van Peebles was on every silver screen.  Then it seemed like he just disappeared and/or started making junk movies that probably went right to DVD.  Putting that to one side, we do know that in 1986 he co-starred in Heartbreak Ridge, a film produced by, directed by, and starring Clint Eastwood.

 

Heartbreak Ridge is Dirty Harry in the military—specifically the U.S. Marines.  Eastwood’s attitude is, I am good enough at what I do allowing me to flout the establishment and do my job on my own terms.  We’ve seen this before in Eastwood’s Dirty Harry character–this time he is wearing a U.S. Marine uniform.

 

Eastwood plays the role of an aging but highly decorated Marine sergeant who has a penchant for boozing it up and urinating on police cars.  Tom Highway (Eastwood) has been in the Marine Corps since he was 16, fought in the bloody battle of Heartbreak Ridge during the Korean war, where he was awarded his medal of honor, and did three tours in “Nam.”  Despite his almost three decades in the military, he still has a problem with authority,  hitting officers who he considers “limp dicks,” and disobeying orders that he doesn’t think are appropriate.

 

In the last days before he reaches mandatory retirement, at his request, Highway is transferred back to a combat ready unit.  While he is in transit to his new post, enter Mario Van Peebles (“Stitch Jones”), a Marine who is trying to become the next Elvis.  While at a rest stop Stitch steals Highway’s money and bus ticket.  But Stitch is in for a real problem when Highway turns out to be his platoon leader.  Highway gets paid back and rips an earring out of Stitch’s ear presumably as interest.

 

Naturally Highway repeatedly clashes with his commander, Major Powers, and his flunky, Staff Sergeant Webster (Moses Gunn), over unorthodox training techniques (like firing an AK-47 at his men so they get used to the noise); Powers makes it clear that he views Highway’s platoon as only a training tool for his own elite outfit.  Major Powers goes so far as to script “ambushes” by making Highway’s Recon platoon nothing more than targets.  However, Highway is supported by an old comrade-in-arms, Sergeant Major Choozoo (Arlen Dean Snyder), and a college educated but inexperienced Lieutenant Ring (Boyd Gaines).  Once Highway’s disciplinary methods set in and the men learn that he had been awarded the Medal of Honor they gain respect for him and close ranks against Major Powers, their perceived enemy.

 

Then the unit gets the call to participate in the 1983 invasion of Grenada.  Though in reality a giant screw up by the Unites States, Highway et al are competent and even creative soldiers who achieve their mission objectives quite well.  Two scenes are lifted from the real invasion of Grenada; they are the scenes where Highway orders Stitch Jones to use a bulldozer to provide cover so they can advance on and destroy an enemy machine gun nest.  When Highway and his men are trapped in a building by enemy forces without any means of communication, they use a telephone to make a long distance call to Camp Lejeune in North Carolina in order to call in air support using a credit card supplied by Stitch Jones.  No joke, the invasion was so screwed up that trapped units had to use a credit card to place a long distance call.

Needless to say when the troops come back home, they are met with cheering crowds—a first for Highway.

 

What is really interesting about this movie is not the movie, but the events that surrounded and inspired the film.  There was a battle for Heartbreak Ridge fought between September 13 and October 15, 1951. The Battle of Heartbreak Ridge was one of several major engagements in an area known as “The Punchbowl.”  The battle took place in the hills of North Korea and both sides suffered high casualties: over 3,700 American and French soldiers and an estimated 25,000 North Korean and Chinese.

 

Originally Eastwood pitched the movie to the U.S. Army, which refused to participate, due to Highway being portrayed as a hard drinker, divorced from his wife, and using unapproved motivational methods to his troops, and obscene dialogue.  However, Eastwood went to the Marine Corps, which allowed much of the filming to be done at Camp Pendleton.  There are some differences though; the Recon Marines highway commands are on a par with Army Rangers or Special Forces.  The military also stated it would be entirely implausible for an elite Marine Recon unit to be populated with slackers and misfits as portrayed in the film.

 

Like I said in the beginning, this film is Dirty Harry enlists in the Marines.  But hey if you are a Dirty Harry fan you’ll be a fan of Heartbreak Ridge.

 
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Posted by on November 10, 2011 in Movie Reviews

 

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A Cruel Story.

04 Nov

A Cruel Story.

This is a tale of the Shinsengumi, a band of samurais in Kyoto that are steeped in lore and the subject of many films.  They formed and became prominent as the Tokugawa period was swiftly decaying and their goal was to preserve the Tokugawa government and keep order in Kyoto at any cost.

The Shinsengumi’s have been portrayed across the full spectrum of images from slapstick chumps (some would say) as in the 2004 NHK series to a cruel & barbaric group of ruthless bloodthirsty samurai.  A Cruel Story depicts the group as uncivilized & dirty, some members have even gone insane.  This film is unlike many previous versions where directors try to make the group more palatable by sanitizing their image sometimes a little but mostly a lot.

The players include Kondo a man that assassinated the group’s founder Serizawa to become its leader and the extremely vicious homosexual Hijikata, who was the group’s chief assassin and summarily resolved internal disputes with his sword rather than with words.  One member had the audacity to question the group’s humanity that cost him a half-dozen sword cuts so he could bleed to an agonizing death.

The film follows Enami, who initially idolizes the band and wants to join their ranks so much that he attempts seppuku to prove his worthiness.  He is a hick from the sticks who dreams of becoming a true samurai, but is initially innocent of the barbaric ways the group uses to enforce its policies and carry out its mandate. 

Enami is mortified by his initial taste of the Shinsengumi’s punishing brutality and begins to vomit out of fear and disgust.  However, he is quickly seduced by the dark side and rapidly volunteers to behead a member showing us that one’s fall from grace can be fast and furious.  Nevertheless, there is more than the regression of man to primal violence, as we discover Enami is Serizawa’s nephew, Serizawa having been the past (and assassinated) leader of Shinsengumi.  He wants revenge against Kondo Isami, his uncle’s killer.

For the mid 1960’s this was one of the bloodiest black and white films of its time and is a powerful indictment of the brutality going on in Japan in the name of keeping the West out of the country.  A motion picture you should not miss.

 

 
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Posted by on November 4, 2011 in Movie Reviews

 

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In case you have not noticed we here at JPFmovies have a new look.

29 Oct

Some “media professional” suggested that I change the site to that the clips would appear on the home page. Let me know what you think.

 
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Posted by on October 29, 2011 in Movie Reviews

 

Part II of MacFarlane vs Judge—you be the judge.

21 Oct

In our last post we began comparing what I believe are the two leading contemporary satirists each at the top of their game:  Seth MacFarlane, the creator of the Family Guy and American Dad, and Mike Judge, the creator of Office Space, Idiocracy and King of the Hill. 

Judge, born in Guayaquil, Ecuador, grew up in Albuquerque and graduated with a Bachelor of Science in physics (who would have thought?) from the University of California, San Diego.  In my opinion he is best known for Office Space, Idiocracy and King of the Hill.  Interestingly enough, both Office Space and Idiocracy were not by any means box office hits.

Office Space

Office Space had a cost of $10,000,000 and grossed $10,800,000.  However, like MacFarlane’s Family Guy, Office Space had massive home video sales topping six million by 2006 and by 2003 Comedy Central had run the movie 35 times.  Judge even made a cameo appearance in the film as Stan (complete with hairpiece and fake mustache), the manager of Chotchkie’s, a fictionalized parody of chain restaurants like Applebee’s and TGI Friday’s, but was credited as William King.  In my research for this post I came across some interesting facts about Office Space:

Initech is real.

At least 5 different companies named Initech have been founded since the film’s release.

The original Office Space was a series called “Milton.”

The film was based on a series of animated shorts by Judge titled “Milton.” Fox Studios wanted the film to be based solely on the “Milton” character, but Judge wanted to have an ensemble cast.

Judge’s inspiration came from working in an office filing TPS reports.

While at work filing real TPS reports, Judge met a lonely co-worker who would rant about his bosses and how they constantly moved his desk.  Judge went home and animated what would become “Milton.”  Which raises the question, does art imitate life or does life imitate art?

Office Space gave birth to the red Swingline stapler.

Many people believe this, but it is not exactly true.  The red Swingline stapler Milton used was made by Swingline decades ago but production had long since ceased.  However, the movie’s  prop department had one specially made for the film.  Three years after the release of the movie, requests for the stapler were so overwhelming that Swingline put the Rio Red 747 Business Stapler into production.

Entertainment Weekly could not decide if it loved or hated the film.

Entertainment Weekly gave Office Space a C-rating but named it one of the “The 100 best films from 1983 to 2008.”

 Idiocracy

We have already reviewed Office Space here at JPFMovies as well as Idiocracy.  But the tale of Idiocracy is much like that of Office Space.  Unsure of how to market the film after disastrous test screenings, Fox sat on the film for over a year, before finally giving it an unusually trivial release in only 6 markets (skipping over major markets such as New York City) — by comparison a full blown promotional release covers 600 markets.  Fox’s lack of marketing showed as the movie took in only $400,000 on its opening weekend, but the film has made a strong comeback in home DVD sales.  In an interview Judge speculated that (in addition to Fox’s incompetent marketing department) the studio figured Idiocracy would be received like Office Space, not a money maker at the theaters but profitable in the DVD market, so why would they waste time and money promoting the movie when they could obtain the same result without spending it?  To a certain extent they were right; Idiocracy has gained a cult like following similar to that of Office Space.

King of the Hill. 

This weekly animated series lasted for 13 seasons that ran from January 12, 1997, to May 6, 2010, on FOX.  The show centers on the Hills, a working-class family in the fictional small town of Arlen, Texas.  Judge and Daniels conceived the series after a run with Judge’s Beavis and Butt-head on MTV, and the series debuted on FOX as a midseason replacement on January 12, 1997, quickly becoming a hit. The show’s popularity led worldwide syndication and episodes run every night on Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim.  The show became one of Fox’s longest-running series, and at the time of its cancellation the second longest-running American animated series.

Hank Hill is an old fashioned, hardworking, beer-drinking man who is trying to live in a modern Texas world. His wife is opinionated, his son is a disappointment, his friends are losers, and his Father is oppressive.  The show is unpretentious, following an average family and average family man Hank Hill who “sells propane and propane accessories” as the assistant manager of Strickland Propane.

When he is not selling propane, Hank mows his lawn, drinks beer, watches football games, and just stands in the alley with his friends.  The Souphanousinphones are his conceited Laotian neighbors who refer to him and his family as “hillbillies” or “rednecks.”  His son Bobby is in love with their daughter Connie.  Bobby is arguably the funniest of the show’s characters—but another contender, in my opinion, is Dale Gribble.  Bill Dauterive, Dale Gribble, and Boomhauer are Hank’s closest friends and are usually found drinking Alamo Beer in their sacred alley.

Bill Dauterive is a lonely divorced man who is not the brightest of the group. Dale is a man who suffers from paranoia due to theories of conspiracies.  Boomhauer is a man who usually talks very quickly; so quickly it is difficult to understand what he is saying, though the guys can understand him quite well.  Throughout the years, Hank has faced many problems caused by them pushing the limits of their friendship.

Hank’s wife Peggy claims to be extremely bright, but that is a running gag. For instance she claims that she knows Spanish, but she pronounces the words the wrong way (such as espanol instead of español).  She is a three time substitute teacher of the year award recipient (and she never lets you forget it) and when she is not at school she tries to show her (non-existent) intelligence by doing things like starting a business or selling real estate, all of which flop.

There are other characters who deserve recognition but I would be writing for a week if I mentioned them all.  Needless to say, I am a King of the Hill fan and have collected all 13 seasons either electronically or on DVD.

Where does this leave us?  Well, in my opinion, there is a clear winner:  Mike Judge.  Between the cult classics of Office Space and Idiocracy and a 13 season animated series he clearly comes out ahead.  He exhibits versatility by writing and directing films and TV shows as well as being an excellent animator.  This guy with a physics degree really has a sharp satirical edge making his work a cut above MacFarlane’s—and I am a connoisseur of satire.  I invite your thoughts on the question.  Now you know where I come down on this question: Judge.

 
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Posted by on October 21, 2011 in Movie Reviews

 

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